CTC-21 "Lessons Learned For Life Off the Field" Dale Mueller (Part 2)

Our 2nd episode with Coach Dale Mueller, former Highlands High School state championship coach. 

We turn the corner a little bit and discuss how his coaching career and personal life collided and lessons learned along the way. 

Topics include: 

- Hobbies
- The importance of focus
- Assistant coaches and delegation

and much more! 

Transcript

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spk_0:   0:00
This is the coach to coach podcast episode number 21. Same time. Hey, what's going on, guys? Welcome to the coach to Coach Podcast, where we believe every kid deserves a coach that cares, and every coach deserves someone in their corner. I'm your host, Nate silly, and this podcast is sponsored by the Northern Kentucky Fellowship of Christian Athletes. There some amazing donors, board members and supporters that make things like this podcast possible. Well, hey, if you're new around here, we try to publish an episode on the first and 15th of each month. Most of our episodes so far have been some really fun interviews with local Greater Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky coaches as well. Some authors of the world class resource is that we use and rfc a coach's ministry. The bottom line. We want to help coaches in any leaders that want to listen in to not only have a high performing team but also to transform lives in the process. And we believe both can happen. And we've seen some great stories. And Coach Miller, if you haven't already listened to the previous episode, Part one with coach Dale Mueller are Holly and invite you to go ahead and hit, Pause and look, go look for the previous episode for that, eh? And while you're at it, go ahead. We appreciate so much of those have already subscribe to this podcast that why they don't miss any new episodes coming out. And for all those sharing on social media, we're incredibly grateful for help getting word out for some of the content and just be able to help more people. Well, in part two of our conversation with coach Dale Miller, we go from kind of his backstory and how he got into coaching and some of the things he did to build a championship culture specifically at Highlands. Then, beyond that, we kind of turned the corner a little bit and talk more on the personal side in the home side and some of the wind and the losses that he's had along the way and some great tips. One of the big ones is it's really tough to have a significant hobby. If you're gonna be specifically ah, high school football coach, that's really just because of the time commitment toe have that, and then more on top of that's gonna be really difficult, such as one kind of quick take away that I took and really appreciate it. But I'm so grateful again to coach Miller for taking time to share with us and kind of give us some of the wisdom he's picked up along the years. And that's what's so fun is to get all the collective wisdom that's right here in our backyard and be able to share that with others to help new coaches and coaches that have been around a long time. So hey, I don't want to wait any longer. Let's hop right into our follow up conversation with coach Dale Mueller. All right, we're back for second part of a conversation with coach Dale Mueller, and we had such a great journey through kind of kind of your life all the way up to life in Highlands and with throw in some of the different places and had some incredible stories. If you haven't listened to the first episode, go ahead and get back. You're gonna want a beautiful listen to that started. This conversation would talk through kind of the the professional of the family side, including coaching, but the bigger picture So you weren't just a football coach when you work islands. You had other roles, including being 80 and multiple hats going on. So how many hats were you wearing and what would a typical day in the life of Coach Miller in season? How would that look like?

spk_1:   3:33
Well, I did wear too many hats. I was a teacher in the athletic director and head football coach, huh? Yeah. So So I am not a person who goes from being horizontal, lying down, that being vertical, standing up very well. Every day in my life, I would when the alarm would go off, I'd go, Gosh, I've gotta figure out a way that I could just stay in bed because I do not want to get out of bed. I love being in bed. I did not want to get out that any single day. So for every day, for me to get up right was always a difficult thing. And then once I got up right, though I was ready to go. You know, I was on a sprint all day, every day from morning tonight, and then I fall asleep and then have a tough time getting it again the next day. So I was certified in math and science. So I taught to three classes at Highlands and really, whatever they needed, I really wanted to be a teacher. That would help the school out. So I started teaching mainly geometry, algebra, one algebra two and Highlands. But then they wanted me to teach science. So there was a freshman physics class that we they taught. And then they want me to teach advanced placement physics because they were going to war, this calculus based physics and first seniors. And that really was right up my alley from my mechanical engineering degrees. So I taught AP physics. So whatever, really, they wanted me to teach. I taught Brian Robinson didn't ask me to teach chemistry one time, and, you know, I really didn't want to teach chemistry. So I told him that I didn't really believe there was Kevin in chemistry, that there weren't such thing as atoms and molecules. It's just that made of class, my educational elitist I have another class and teach and he said, Yeah, you know, Shut up. You're teaching. So So you know, my teaching day. I really want to do a good job as a teacher. And then I was also the athletic director and said there was all those things is half light drinker. So So I usually taught it to start a day and then was athletic director through the middle of the day and then coach, you know, towards the end of the day and and then husband and parent when I got home and then, ah, lot of those things, although intermingled in between two, because her sometimes when something might happen in your apparent it, you know, nine in the morning or your coaching 10 at night. So it was what it was. A sprint the whole time.

spk_0:   6:17
Yeah, I feel like we mentioned it kind of off line a little bit how there's there's different regions that even the state where you schools have full time eighties for larger schools against their full time. That's all, if they only have wearing is being an athletic director and you don't really see that in our region and that still exist today. Couple people even know we're kind of wearing both hats. Even some of the biggest schools you get, like a just marks very rainy borders, different people where it's large. High school 80 and head football coach. Which both of those air? Gosh, prideful time job. Yeah, How would you maybe mentioned or encourage them on if they're spitting that many plates? What would be some lessons learned along the way through your experience doing that?

spk_1:   6:59
Well, I think that's the same for people that are athletic director, coach or even teacher head coach. You know, you got a lot of hats that you're wearing and

spk_0:   7:12
or a full time marketplace job, and

spk_1:   7:15
that's exactly right. That's exactly right. So I think you you've gotta be somebody who does things, you know? You can't get sucked in the time wasters. You can't. Why? You've only got so much time in your day. You can't get sucked into getting on Facebook. And now just being 1/2 hour later and say, Well, we're that half hour ago. You know, I was gonna spent that half hour with mice with my son or daughter or, you know, whatever. I was gonna get this done. I think Facebook's a great thing to do to connect with people. And now that I'm retired, I get on Facebook and I really connect this and people that I haven't seen, but but it could be such a time waster. You can find things that air time wasters, and I think there's areas where your spring is supervised, that you could give responsibility to people that are really good what they're doing. I think if you're even better than absolutely. But you know, when I was the athletic director, if there were some coaches, it really needed a lot of supervision. And if I could do a good job of hiring a head coach, then I would give them minimal supervision. You know, Caitlyn, when she was hired as the volleyball coach and islands, Well, you just had a letter go then because she was gonna take that completely she needed no supervision whatsoever where Maybe somebody else you were gonna have to supervise the same and, you know, and coaches, or sometimes you have an assistant coach that needs a lot of supervision. You have to be really involved with them because their coaching the players, you have to make sure their their coach well, where you might have somebody else. I coach with Brian Weinrich. He was a defense of coordinator. I would just say, Hey, you're the defense of coordinator and God go coach the offense because I just had really such confidence in them. I had a secretary or the athletic director assistant for years. It was Caroline Smith, and it was Casey Bryant Will. Both of them were just absolutely awesome. And so they would take roles of my athletic director ship job and just completely run with it. One time I got a phone call and thinks that may May I speak to Carolyn's Mass? Me to the athletic director Caroline Smith. So I said to them all, Excuse me, I get it. I get her for you because she was doing you know, the role so well,

spk_0:   9:56
Wow, Yeah z a lot of it, which is bringing on the right people so I could go back to the previous episode of Build the program you want to build. You wanna get coaches around, You have that same mindset, that same mission where I know you said before, like it's a great thing to win. If you wanna win ball games, that that's a decent thing. But if you have a mission beyond winning ball games. Then you're probably win more absolute and have those people with the same DNA, I guess, to come around you that you could you can bring and not have to have a much supervision. And Okay, well, that would be huge time wise, I'm sure because I know having to handle people through things. If you do it initially, then let them go. It's a lot different than that Constant needing the questions, and they're they're hitting yet all the town

spk_1:   10:39
yet. And I believe in saying yes. You know, people ask you Hey, can you do this? Yes, you can. We do this? Yes. I want to say yes to everything. But there are things you need to say. No to one time a group of parents with the athletic boosters had this big proposal that they wanted me to do this football 101 for the moms and put on a course for the football moms and explained to them

spk_0:   11:10
I'm gonna understand the game.

spk_1:   11:11
Yes, I can understand the game and I thought it was a great thing to do. Was awesome. I love I would love to do it. And I said no I can't do that. I mean, I'm just I'm I've got too much already to do. If I do that, then I'm gonna take time away from your sons and I'm coaching. I'm gonna take more time away from my own family. It's just that's not part of my mission to teach. Yeah, trade moms in football. So you have to be able to say no to stuff that you really wonder what I would have loved doing that.

spk_0:   11:45
Yeah, that's that's been something I've been trying to grow and as is the people pleasing and for me, you know, pleasing God like to be. Sometimes both of those could happen at the same time. But a lot of times you can have to wonder about doing this just to please please people Maur than what I feel like God's calling you. And that could be a really real tension. And I'm also, you know, I have a tendency. I don't I don't I used to speak of it is like this is my identity, but I have a tendency to be conflict avoidance or wanting to please people to the point where saying no, it was really hard and Gosh, I'll tell you, it's been a huge shift. Just having kids. My mind. No muscle has grown a ton after her second and third gift here, just because just at a necessity, if nothing else, yeah, where it could be really hard. But you kind of have to have to count the cost more. And it's again, It's not that I don't love you. I don't think it's, you know. No, I don't think it's a great idea, but I really just don't have the capacity for it. And I found that people respect that a whole lot more than I thought they would. I have expected people to just slam the or get really mad, but I say no. But most of the time, if they're rational people, they'll no respect it and understand it absolutely is just taking the fear and the sting out of it for me. What? I have seen those good results being able to say no. Yeah. So you know the good stuff. So you can still say yes to the great Great. Yes, Yes, I've heard it said that way too. Yeah, Why don't we kind of just mentioned it just the just the hair. But I love to go a little bit deeper into it over some some wins and also lessons learned on the family side during your coaching career. One of the one the kind of tag lines we've said in the past is you know, this podcast. We believe that Coach could win with their team and in the home or win win ballgames and also win in their personal life. And what were some some things that you felt maybe look back like, Hey, I did that pretty well. And what were some things that, gosh, if I could do it over again or here's a big lesson that I learned when it came to know what really kind of shore up the family side while also be a competitive coach.

spk_1:   13:42
So I don't know if I really ever figured that out because there was just so much time involved. And so I spent so much time away from home, and I don't know if I did it again, how I could do that better. I you know, in some ways, the only way I could have done that better is if I didn't coach because I think you do it well. You have to spend a substantial amount of time doing. And I'm I loved that I was, ah, high school football coach in the same way I would have loved if I wasn't a high school football coach because I certainly would have been ableto spent more time with with my wife. And I think really, that was the time that I missed the most because we really put our kids more first and we spent more time with them. My wife would always be fine with me, sacrificing time with her for for the kids, and we just we just missed out on time together. Now maybe we're making up for that because now we're retired. We spend all our time together. We're we do basically everything together Now. My wife is my best friend. We just do so much stuff to get were with with each other almost 24 hours a day. But but still, there's really no making up. There were all those times that I was gone so much I do think t minimize that you really have to live in the moment. You have to be when you're at coach time. You have to be a coach time when you're in home being home time. I remember one time I was in Sycamore, and when I went to Sycamore, they only won three games. Freshman J V. Varsity, totally year before and Princeton was the team at the time. They were in our league and they were like coal rain. They were just dominating and they were beating us 50 to 60. Nothing. Every level. In my second year, our freshman beat them and the freshman coach called me and said, Dale, we beat him while I was home. I was. I wasn't thinking that I was even the Sycamore football coach, and I said to him, Who is this? I and he would. Oh, I'm sorry, Bob, That's no. I just can't even think I didn't know who was your totally Moxley in a different box. And so I think it's important. Oh, live what you're living at the time. I also think it's again. It's important not to have time wasters. I think it's important to make your hobby coaching. You're gonna be a coach, then be a coach is

spk_0:   16:56
also your hobby. Yeah,

spk_1:   16:57
that's right. I don't recommend being a coach and a golfer. I love the fish. I could fish. I can fish seven days a week, Really, if it was just me, and you know I could fish all the time. But when I had when I was doing the coaching thing, the only time I would fish is if we're on vacation with. And I want my money with my kids. So I think it's important to make quality use of your time.

spk_0:   17:25
Yeah, that's a first heard it. I'm sure it was somebody else before him. But Chris Morgan, who's the University of Louisville chaplain for FC A. He always says, Beware your feet are, uh, wherever you're at, be fully there. Yeah, I do think that I had to work on that two of even think about where is intangible ways where I can grow in that because even mentally I might physically be at home, but still mentally I'm still running through her stuff in my mind, and I have my phone on me. Could be could be a detriment. Obviously, one thing I'm experimenting with with some success is like when I drive home after a work day, I'll take a few seconds in the car. Kind of just almost coach myself, breathing out, say All right. There's nothing else urgent on my workplace right now. He's talking fully rest and I'll go in of a husband, a father, and then I'll go and actually change clothes. I'll make sure I don't have a bunch of FC a stuff on. It's pretty much almost pajama type clothes where I'm like, Okay, I'm in full on husband and Dad, and there's nothing that super urgent that needs to be done. That can't be done tomorrow morning. Yeah, and just a mental exercise of that for me is almost what it's taken to get some success with that because if not, I'm always kind of back in my head. There's, you know, stuff running through our checking, the email or whatever it is. Yeah, and process out of one box to the other so that you can be some things I've been learning to, just the neuroscience behind that, like how men's brains work. We have all these different boxes and Hopkins home and make sure we stay. We're in the right one of the right time. Yeah, that's a really good point. I never thought about that. If you're coaching, you really don't have time for a significant hobby. Yeah, has to kind of beat up. That's That's a great That's a great word, especially more than the time consuming ones goes. Golf takes forever, and that would do much if you go fishing for 1/2 hour. That's not really the point, either. Is that would be helpful. Yeah, we'll think it through. You talk kind of over the course of your time. Different, different experiences. You've had 33 years of coaching. If you had somebody who's 21 they're the youngest. Is possible, starting out catching. They know maybe the sport, because they've played it. But again, there's just there's greens can get their rookie coach. What would be a couple of things you would tell them toe help kind of spring. Board them to be being a successful coach in person, starting out

spk_1:   19:47
Well, one thing is, I think it is great to be an assistant coach there. So often people want to be the head coach, but tremendous impacts are being done by assistant coaches. I love the time that I was an assistant coach I I was only an assistant coach for four my 33 years, but I love those times, and I think I was able to make big impacts in those times was probably impatient to becoming a head coach. So some guys can be assistant coaches their whole life. I think sometimes your own, you know, personal ego gets in the way you want to be the one in charge. Yeah, you want your name in the paper. So I think being an assistant coach is an awesome thing to do. And I think often it has less of a negative impact on your family because you don't have some of those head coaching kind of responsibilities. I know a lot of guys who been assistant coaches or whole life and love doing it and and have done absolutely phenomenal jobs.

spk_0:   20:59
That's a great point. We're just being a can also help you. Once you do become a head coach. If you're a really good follower, first learn how to follow before you could lead, and then you can also know where your assistant country they're coming from and you could know because you've been in their shoes. What that feels like and how you could best we like. To them, that's a great That's a great point,

spk_1:   21:20
and I think it's also too important to side why you're doing it. And I think it's absolutely fine to be a coach because games are fun. It's fun to play games and try to beat the other person. That is just fun. And people have lifelong positive memories of playing games and having fun playing games and deciding that you want to have a positive impact on people. So make that a part of your of your coaching and, you know, decide that you also you want to sign that you've got to feed your family. So this is your job, too. So you want to make sure that you are doing things that are feeding your family, and it's being a productive thing just for the financial aspect of of your family. Like like we said before, make it your hobby to find that you love doing it and work hard at I don't think it should be. You wantto enjoy doing it, but you want to make it productive time. You don't want us to have your coaching time just spend standing around you. I'll be the practice in some time football practices. And maybe there's one coach coaching hard. It's kind of seven other people standing around just talking. Well, Coach getting involved make you know it's good to work hard.

spk_0:   22:46
Yeah, I'll encourage athletes in time that they're in a rough spot. The season other in like in the middle of like their offseason workouts in the first game or matches is far from the front view, and it's like, Hey, man, you're gonna be there in England like you gotta be there at this 6 30 weightlifting session. You're gonna be there anyway. Why not? Why not make the most of it and maximize what you're gonna get out of it? It's one thing if you're if you're you know, if you're complaining about it to the point where you get that much complaining about it, then either hot, you have a decision about either hop and fully and try to get the most out of it. Or maybe reconsider being on the team. But just to get like you were saying, it just kind of go through the motions and just be just exist. They're not really getting much done like I would be have to be a drain emotionally and everything.

spk_1:   23:33
Absolutely. It is biblical to try to get the most out of your talents, to take what you've got and use it the best you possibly can. So work hard, work hard. Working hard is a is. We were instructed by God to do that, Lou. And so and you find that you live so much more happy. Positive life. People want time to relax, and there's definitely time to relax in your life you should take. That's also biblical. We we should take time to relax, but when it's time to do, do

spk_0:   24:13
you? It's one of my wife's life. Versus is Colossians 3 23 is whatever you do, whatever you're doing, work out with all your heart as if you're doing it for God, not for mad fluid, for athlete or a coach. It's like, Hey, I'm doing the absolute best I can. Hey is as a wayto one of the coaches what you're asking of me, but I'm going full out 100% as it almost worship and to honor God as if I'm doing it for him. or even more so than doing it just for the man that has the authority over me.

spk_1:   24:45
We should put that post, put a poster that up in every room we ever walk into. It's all that

spk_0:   24:51
you know. And it goes beyond the field, too. Yeah, is a classroom. Everything else? It's not about this. What the teacher is asking is what you know I got. This is what you're doing right now. Work at it with all your heart, as if it's a offering, the god that they worship. And it's that's been something that I've definitely Devon into myself. What have mowed the grass? You know, that's the game. Be jacking up everything, and that's right, this honor in it. Everything I could be.

spk_1:   25:19
When you're the check out line at Kroger and you're dealing with it, you know the checkout person,

spk_0:   25:24
right? You can have and somebody that I know you'll you'll appreciate as well, as is Nick Jackson. Uh huh. And you hang out with Nick Jackson and we had lunch one time down here in Bellevue at Fresh is down there in Bellevue and this the way which we checked out and he was just such a positive, jovial, like, just magnetic personality and and was trapping up with the cashier. And this guy is like telling us a joke. And you could just tell his shoulder his date was lifted just by how we paid for our lunch that day. Yeah, and all those interactions weaken all the opportunities we have. A don't realize. Yeah, we can impact people. That's good. Well, you made a couple of references there to your to your faith in his umbilical basis for coaching. How How did your faith impact your coaching? How how has it grown you, maybe even spiritually Or what would be obviously SD a citizen connections here of faith and sport? How did that play out in your world? I know you're in the public school sector, so there's obviously some boundaries that way. Always a here, too. But how did faith your faith in fact, er, coaching

spk_1:   26:31
well in all aspects of my coaching, every aspect, how every aspect possible now that's not to say that I always had a great, strong faith. I really grew up in a lot of my life being a hoper, you know, I just kind of hoped there was a God, especially when I was in bad situations or somebody was dying. I was. I really considered myself a hoper, and I really feel that I benefited from the faith of my mom and my wife, who had a stronger faith through there through their life and their strength of faith and there, Um, actions then were helpful to me. So I think our own faith can rub off on somebody. Maybe who doesn't have a strong of a faith just by our actions. So I felt faith in God benefited me even when I didn't have a great faith because of other people's great great faith. But I think you're your faith impacts you really in everything you do. I mean, I think in deciding that everybody's important, try to value everyone to make a deposit experience for everyone. That is definitely coming from God, which absolutely affects your your team. You feel everybody's important. Well, guys, the guy that was the worst player on the team, he's telling his little brother how what a great experience it was because you treated him so well. And his little brother's an awesome athlete, and he wants to play football because his older brother was a terrible football player. Loved it. So So maybe you're doing it to have a positive impact on him. But it's also still affecting your team in a in a positive way to I felt I would pray when I was getting ready to pass out equipment because I never when I first start off, really like the passing out of equipment. It was such a tedious thing. And so much paperwork. The hand, make sure who's got what number everything. But then I really thought, Gosh, what I'm doing is, you know, equipping this guy so he doesn't get injured. And so I really became on a mission to get the best elements and shoulder pads and make him it fit. The best thing possibly could protect this guy the best I possibly could. I'm

spk_0:   29:08
sure that was a meaningful day for them. I mean, gosh, it's almost like a initiation to the team like you're getting you heading now, have your jersey and this is your game helmet game, everything like you're you're part of this family now. We're kind of making it official by clipping you and had you just kind of blowing that off. Just presented it the whole time versus trying to Max out.

spk_1:   29:27
Absolutely. And that made, I think, such a great positive impact on our team because then we just got obsessed with finding the money to get the absolute best helmets and shoulder pads so we would get the helmets and shoulder pads that the Bengals were using. I would go to the University of Kentucky, look at their equipment, what they were using in there, saying, Yeah, you know, we we've got for our top 20 players. We've got the same equipment that the Bengals air using. And I would say, actually, we have that same equipment for our top 100 clever, but they're all getting that equipment. We would have better equipment than every everybody because, in other words, just finances available that we could get a hold of that wouldn't would buy that top language. It was so important because of in football you're running full speed and into people, so having quality equipment was was really important. And then you know how you punish somebody. I really felt faith was important in that because, you know, there should be justice if you do something wrong, there should be justice. And sometimes I waas two tough guys when they did something wrong, but I wasn't gonna kick him off the team. I also believed, maybe incorrectly, but I wouldn't even take playing time away from him when they did something wrong, because I felt that impact that the other guys that were on the team, we were all together. It's a fraternity, guys trying to do the best we could to win the game. And so I wanted I didn't want to publicly punish them and take him off the field. Everybody say, Oh, yeah, Gosh, shows a bad guy. Is he not on the field? Well, I wanted to all in the practice field, maybe make life extremely. You miserable for sure. The consequences were there. Yeah, Yeah, in house. I would have occasional parents complain of what I was doing because I would be mean to them, but I But I wasn't gonna remove him from the team, and I wasn't gonna keep him off the field wasn't publicly

spk_0:   31:41
in punishing one just kind of like you said, That's the character of God. I don't fully understand it, but

spk_1:   31:48
no need

spk_0:   31:49
is 100% holy ingest. He's also 100% love, and he extends unlimited grace to us as well. Yeah, and both of those co existing where he doesn't trade one for the other. There's still justice. They're still that holiness to him. But you know the gray side as well. I just You just go back to that family picture where if you're a son of a dad, you never cease to be a son. That track, the current fellowship of the current relationship, might be hindered by a sudden screwing up doing this and some bad things. But he doesn't stop being that that's something that's exactly you're not kicked out of the family, but it's gonna affect the fellowship effect. You know, the day today, maybe for a while tonight, I never thought about that on a team setting. Yeah, that's that's profound. That's good. I think you mentioned you went to South Africa on a mission ship a few years ago. He might've been multiple times now, but maybe share just a little bit about that first experience going off on a mission trip and how that might have had ripples through threat for coaching moving forward after that.

spk_1:   32:58
Yeah, well, it it was a great experience in my life. My my dad died and left us some money and so we said, Everybody in my family if you want to go to Mama Loney, South Africa, we went with Crossroads Church that we were, you know, pay for We all could, except for my one son couldn't do it. He was able to get off work. So the five of us went, and I mean, it was just an awesome experience. It was We tried to do stuff for them, but we got just so much more out of it than they did. And of course, it definitely helped my coaching experience. That was really after that. We won really way more than we won before. And I do feel was it was a result of that. I think it made a positive impact on me. I tried to be more of a servant after that. I mean, you know, when your coach, there's certainly a number of people who think you're a jerk on. So after going on that mission trip, I think there were less people in Fort Thomas that thought I was a jerk. So So I think it helped me. It helped how people viewed me and got them to trust me more, but more so. It helped my own heart be better coached, better servant

spk_0:   34:42
to the people I was catching. That's good. This it'll be a little bit of a curveball here. This kind of came to my mind. But I know criticism is such a such a key thing in the coaching world. I mean, it's hard to coach for two days without receiving some sort of it from some source, whether directly, indirectly, media, whatever you're getting, run into discouragement, criticism, how would you How would you encourage a coach to handle that process? That, I mean, what would be your perspective on handling sort of the critics for like,

spk_1:   35:15
Yeah, well, I think you want to embrace it. You know, if you went to Bob's auto repair and you didn't like the way Bob was repairing your car, you've really got wanted two choices. You can go to Joe's auto repair, or you can tell Bob what why you're displeased. So if a parent comes medians displeased, I want to hear him because I don't want their son to quit playing football or go to a different school to play football. So I want to hear those complaints and there's a decent chance that they have a valid concern. So I think it's important to hear complaints. I think a lot of times those complaints might be just because the you know they grew. That's their That's their son. They change their poopy diapers when they were a kid, and they, you know, they wanted to get more playing time, and they're upset now that they're not getting is much playing time. And you're always gonna be biased towards your own child thinking they're better, they ought to get more mind. You're you're concerned about your own child, so So maybe they're wrong, but it's good to hear them. And then often after that conversation, the player is more motivated because a parent is an angry, you know, if you go home at night Now, you listen to your parent mad at the coach. Now it's hard to be motivated. The next day we're now the parent can talk to me and and I can show them why this is happening now. the the student is gonna be less, Uh, he's not gonna be angry at you because his parents are angry at you. So I think it's helpful to make one big team. I don't think you should necessarily be abused. You know, it's a coach I had apparent one time, called me, left a message on my answer machine angry message and said, You know, I I didn't like the players. Well, I do like the players, and so, you know, they just work. And I wasn't able to get in touch with him because he was going on vacation and he wasn't gonna be able to talk for 10 days. Well, that wasn't gonna be acceptable to, you know, I I attracting down on vacation. And I talked to him and he said, You know, I don't want to talk now because I'm on vacation. Well, yeah, but you left me this message. You said I didn't like it, and I do like him. And so we're gonna talk this out whether you're on, you know, if you hang up, I'll call you right back. You know, I don't think you should be. You should like yourself. We abused But you should. I think that's an important part. I think coaches sometimes say that's not part of my job. Well, you can say it's not part of your job. You can really design your own job when you're a coach, really designed how you're going to do it. But I think you're gonna do it better. If you say, Hey, I'm gonna listen to parents

spk_0:   38:20
and it's a great point because it's even if it's alive or irrational at times. There's probably a seed of truth in there, but it's also just relevant to the relationship. You're now knowing where they're at, where they're coming from. And I would want to know because it's gonna affect on the field play, too, If there's a parent who's really upset with me, like he said, they're almost guarantee they're poisoning the well. So to speak, of their kids view of you or the other staff and the whole experience. They're gonna show up to practice differently. If there was all this junk running around their head because their parents were putting in negative stuff towards the coaches, and that's going to show up, not even be aware of that, are welcoming to that. It could be tough.

spk_1:   39:00
Well, yeah. Now they're gonna talkto other parents. That negativism is just gonna spread. I used to always say that the best way to hurt our program is from within. You begin the program and you bad mouth. It tried it. It just spreads. And so we want to find that and discuss it. Try to solve it. Maybe we can't solve it, but at least we can discuss it isn't his adults and make it work. And the person I tracked down on the vacation, you know, we're buddies now, and, uh, you know, you could see that, you know, I do like his son wasn't getting playing time that he wanted to get, but it wasn't because I didn't like my

spk_0:   39:42
and it could be an opportunity for even better relationship. I mean, my wife just talk recently about conflict being an opportunity. That conflict is inevitable. If it's handled poorly, it's gonna drive people away. If it's handled well with grace and truth and you're actually closer and more connected than you were before the conflict, I wouldn't create conflict to try to get, you know, get that end result. But when it does come up and you handle it well, you can actually even tighter and Maur close knit than after. We're just totally counterintuitive for most of my life.

spk_1:   40:15
Yeah, Yeah, absolutely. When I was the athletic director and she was voluble coach, we've We had conversations where things were She was looking to really solve a problem, really, before it was a problem. And so she was just talking to me about ways to go through it, and kind of her thoughts are doing it. And I thought, Wow, I mean, it was just so President made of pods of impact on me and, you know, that's where you learn as a coach, I really learned from her. She's processing it through May.

spk_0:   40:53
Yeah, because it's a very especially volatile is just such a time in such a small roster that's very social. And, like you said, it could be one of the best things if you have a really tight knit family culture. But if they're from the front with and if their stuff bitterness and resentment, everything else and conflict goes and resolved, it could really have a negative impacts that she really prioritize that Try to protect it, You know, both for the girls personally. But also, she knew that is gonna affect the on the court play, too. If there's there's just going on, drama lies within the team, that's only gonna only gonna hurt him in the long run.

spk_1:   41:27
Absolutely. She is doing an absolutely awesome job, which is showing up, you know, wins substantially. But it is, you know, so substantially showing up with the players that she's coaching him. If I had a daughter, a granddaughter that could play for her, I would just be so pleased I every time I see something Highlands, you know volleyballer, kalen, sleep. I you know, I just I'm happy, All right,

spk_0:   41:56
Awesome. Appreciate the encouragement before wrap up. Do you have anything else kind of final, final thought, Anything else on your heart that you would want to share just to the countries who have been around the game for a while, or just starting out just any sort of like a parting shot?

spk_1:   42:12
Well, I really do appreciate people who coach is very difficult thing to do. You don't really get financially a great reward from it. I really think the vast majority majority of coaches. Pretty much all the coaches that I've known are doing it because they want to have a positive impact on young people. So tall coaches, I say God, Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I really think God has blessed them in putting him in that position where they can have a positive impact on people's lives. And I myself, I am done behi school coach. And I love being done being a high school coach. And, you know, it's it's fun on the other side. But I am so, so glad that I was a high school coach. So for all the people who were doing it, you know. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And I think through the rest of their lives, they will like that they they done it to

spk_0:   43:23
excellent. They don't really appreciate you taking the time and share your heart. I know it's gonna be a great encouragement. Everybody listening. And I know thank you for your years of building into people I know there's ripples being made that you might not even know about down the road generations down the road, you know, family, players, everything, always joke. You probably run for mayor if he really wanted Thio. But you're just a awesome guy. I respect the heck out of you. When I first came to the area, you were one of the first names are heard of in the coaching world. And you also beat the brakes off of us. My high school team each just We drove up two years in a row on that bus and Highland as a home game. Of course, as you all were or higher up and we could hardly get a touchdown on you guys. But I was like, Man, you guys, I have a new then as a high school kid that there was something special going on on your program has just been enjoyed to learn more about it and get to know you a little bit more. So So thanks for all you've done. Thank you. For what? You continue to do things like this and helping us just kind of distribute the wisdom that God's given you. And how was work in your life? Yeah, Talk to you.

spk_1:   44:29
Thank you. Thank you. Appreciate it. Well,

spk_0:   44:39
there it is, guys. Part two with Coach Bailed Mueller some of the big takeaways I've also taken were to be a do er to eliminate time wasters, delegating well and making sure you have a good team around you and being able to say no and making sure that our yes is a line with our mission. So much good stuff. In that episode, I invite you to share it with at least one coach you think might appreciate this and benefit from it. Thank you to all those who are giving us feedback also encourage you with a Bible verse, as we often do in Ephesians. Talks about its Ephesians five does making the most of every opportunity. I think that's such a great example. Whether that be family, your team, your spouse, wherever it is, make the most of each moment. And don't take that for granted. Each day's a gift and let's make the most of it. All right, well, coming up. We also have some great camp opportunities this summer. If you want to hop on over to in K y f c a dot organ slash camp, there's something great events coming up their leadership Camp Cross Country Camp in a wrestling camp also this summer, so please get the word after, does it? Might be interested in that. Hey, thanks for listening. And until next time, keep changing lives on your team and in your home.