CTC-24 "Work Hard, Rest Hard, and building relationships" - Stephanie Wolf Ludlow HS

Stephanie Wolf is the cheerleading coach at Ludlow High School in Northern Kentucky. With a long-term vision for coaching her team she has great experience in delegating leadership and empowering the members of her team.
Topics/Highlights: Learning from Transformational Leadership 
- Relational + Transactional = Relactional
- Minimizing drama on your team 
- Importance of self-care and rest.

Transcript

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spk_1:   0:00
This is the coach to coach podcast episode Number 24. Game Town. What's going on, guys? Welcome to the coach to coach podcast, where you believe every kid deserves a coach that cares, and every coach deserves someone in their corner. I'm your host, Nathalie, and this podcast is sponsored by the Northern Kentucky Fellowship of Christian Athletes. We do our best to come out with an episode twice every single month, with some great content and some great interviews with coaches and authors and Cincinnati area. No, the Kentucky and beyond. We have so many people that help make this podcast possible. We have donors and board members and volunteers and staff. We just have a great team to help us get this word out. And it would mean the world says, if you found value from the podcast so far to hit, subscribe and texted or share it with at least one person that you think it would be valuable for. Well, hey, on this episode, we have a great conversation with Stephanie Wolf. Stephanie is a cheerleading coach at Ludlow High School right there down on the river, and she has a quite a bit of experience coaching and has a lot of insight and things that she's processed and implemented along the way. Talks about how to arrest, well, how to be relation A ll, but also still get things done and balance that in her own life. Ah, lot of great takeaways. I'm excited for you to hear it, so let's get right into it. This is our conversation with Coach Stephanie Wolf. All right, guys, we're here with Stephanie Wolf. Stephanie, how you doing today,

spk_0:   1:41
right? Yeah.

spk_1:   1:42
Yeah. Doing well. We're recording this in January, so there's still some snow and ice, and we're kind of hoping I'm kind of ready for spring already. Way we did our snowman. We had a sled and a whole weekend of that. And I was like, All right, check that box. I'm feeling pretty good about shovel away and get back to see a little bit warmer weather. Awesome. Well, you just let us start out just kind of share with our listeners. Just who's Stephanie? Kind of a little bit of your journey And how you got into coaching here.

spk_0:   2:13
Okay, Well, I was a cheerleader in high school, which is ironic, because when they started the first try out when I was in, like, fifth or sixth grade. It was like, You should try out for true love. Mike, That's dumb. Wouldn't want to be a cheerleader. And then the next year I tried. All my friends were, and then I Then I was hooked. Um, and then I worked for you. See a all through college as an athletic trainer. Oh, traveling around the country, working your camps.

spk_1:   2:38
But there's a 1,000,000.

spk_0:   2:39
Oh, my gosh. Yeah, yeah, I was. I mean, all of it was kind of cool. I got to go to Oklahoma and Michigan, and I got to be in the Macy's Day parade twice. The cheerleaders. Yeah, that was pretty cool. Yeah, on then, my when I was teaching, then obviously coached. That's actually they were looking for someone on staff to coach. And

spk_1:   3:00
that's kind of like the first bucket everybody looks at right way. Have anybody already in the building for the most part?

spk_0:   3:06
Yeah, so that got me here. I've been here in low for 16 years. Yeah, coaching the varsity truly is the whole time. I'm hoping to hang in after I would love to be here for at least 20 because then I can beat Glenn Wise. He's probably the longest dangling Cochin anyone sport, it was 20.

spk_1:   3:29
He was

spk_0:   3:29
hoping to get to, like, 22 years. Yeah.

spk_1:   3:35
Where did you? Where do you get a high school?

spk_0:   3:36
A little town in Northern How called New London. Okay, so a lot like Ludlow. Very small one stoplight. I grew up on a farm like very small community. Everybody knows everybody. So

spk_1:   3:47
is that close Cleveland accurate arm or

spk_0:   3:51
our straight west of Akron Canton.

spk_1:   3:58
You make it down to

spk_0:   3:59
my folks. Moved a level when I was in grad school. So I taught a Gallatin County for two years, the Newport for one. And then here I am. I've never even heard of low blow until Cory Hi. Field called me up and asked me what I was doing. Her job. The health teacher just quit that day and, uh, hearing. That's

spk_1:   4:18
cool. Excellent. That's congratulations. That's awesome. I'm confident looking 20 to get 22 even. That's right. Well, let's just switch gears a little bit. You We've gone through transformational leadership, which will kind of circle back to in a minute, but We've also mentioned three dimensional coaching along the way, just kind of pursuing health physically, mentally and spiritually and being kind of healthy in all areas. You're teaching obviously than your coaching. And they have stuff outside with personal stuff. What are some things along the way that you've kind of learned that? Hey, this really helps fill my tank in all the areas and I'm able Thio feel like I'm thriving. It's that it just kind of playing whack a mole in surviving the whole time.

spk_0:   5:02
Yeah, actually, I was talking to a friend of mine. We were about this interview and and I said, You know, really think the thing that with my feet about five years ago I was really getting burned out and just tired, and I just didn't know if I could keep going, and I just prayed about it and and I really felt like I was like, stick it out. I was like, And then I just got this like I'm learning to tap in to him. I'm learning to rest in the importance of rest, and as a coach, that's hard. I mean, we put in a lot of hours and coaching it's, you know, there's a lot of behind the scenes stuff that's not game day, not practice time. And it's really easy to lose sight of family and friends and sleep and eating right when you're on the road and having practice all the time. And I've just really been learning a lesson and taking time. It's okay to sit down on a weekend and not to the project or put the dishes off or do whatever you gotta do to just relax and get some quiet time in. And and that is really this year that has really helped me out.

spk_1:   6:06
That's excellent. Just that, that self care and, oh yeah, some people view it differently, but but picking a day, even tow have kind of as your as your day of rest and your Sabbath. I know there's research even out there on throughout a work day. There is research that people that took breaks were more productive than those that just kind of kept going, and then you think about from a whole week's standpoint. If you don't have that legit breather time, you're gonna be less productive over the course of the week, whereas if you actually fully rested and then reengaged in handsome men on them. It seems a little counter counter intuitive. It's You see all this hash tag? No days off.

spk_0:   6:48
American Institution. How you doing? I'm busy.

spk_1:   6:50
Yeah,

spk_0:   6:51
like it's almost are bragging. Right? And I think coaches air often leaders in general that we have that personality and leaders tend to get asked to do more things or you have a great idea with something that should be done. So then who's gonna do it? Well, you're gonna do it,

spk_1:   7:06
Yeah, filtering through some of that And then we all have our competitive juices, athletes or coaches. And if this person doing a little bit Maur just in general, it feels like by by default, we have to be less than just because they're doing Maur. I think that might be a myth to that. That more is always better, which in some cases you kind of have those diminishing returns. You could end up burning out like he said. You see it with even athletes that Quentin Junior senior year. You're like what in the world, you know, you put all this time and they just they just had it probably because they've never had a the rest like you were talking about. That's a really good, really good word. What are some things that you do? You do personally, Justo, have that have that rest or any other kind of practical stuff that you've done

spk_0:   7:50
for me.

spk_1:   7:51
Personally, I don't have to figure out the deal with

spk_0:   7:53
this. It's funny because a few years ago I remember talking to a friend I'm like, Man, I just need to that quiet time with God. I remember praying I hated mornings, Hated them, was the worst thing that day was getting up. And I remember praying to God like, God, I just need more I need time with you But I'm so busy I don't know when that's gonna happen. He started waking me up early, and I'm like, You're waking me up early, and now I get probably half heart of 45 minutes every morning, right? Just sit with my coffee and just talk to God and just chill. I go for it. This is something I learned from my mom. When I get home from work, the first thing I do is put on my tennis shoes and I go for a walk or a hike or get a couple miles in and I'm just I'm outside just to myself. Maybe listen to music, whatever. It's quiet and I'm just kind of decompress. And that just really helped me a

spk_1:   8:39
school day. There's a lot of just input and stimulation and, yes, stuff going on a lot of noise.

spk_0:   8:46
Yeah, and it is nice to have that little bit quiet when you go, you know, to go home and get a little breather. Break in. Yeah.

spk_1:   8:57
Well, who would be one or two coaches that have either impacted to you like you were coached by them or coaches that you've coached with or you've been kind of in close proximity to you, observe them and said, Hey, man, man, that I really respect that. What would be some example of that that you've seen? Of course, your time.

spk_0:   9:15
Yeah, actually, a good friend of mine. She's a viable coach here, Judi Schmidt. She's she's gonna be my competition for who stays in the same sport longest cause she and I think, have about She's got a year on me. But she I have loved and have really learned from her, even from the beginning. Back in when I first came here, she doesn't really great job of building into her kids young. She works even though she doesn't coach the middle school kids. She has contact with them. She's going to their game. She's talking to their coaches. She knows who they are. She has them over. She'll have a pool party, her parentshouse invite the entire valuable program. She doesn't really excellent job building in to her kids, encouraging them No. One, how they're doing, going to see them in other sports and just really developing relationships with her. I mean, that's what all coaches do is where we develop relationship. She doesn't really excellent job at it, and so I've really admired that about her.

spk_1:   10:13
She clearly has a long term view of things, too, because if you're very short sighted, you're not worried about the sixth grader that you're not going to get for three or four years. But you're is a bigger picture. Looks

spk_0:   10:25
to me like, Well, they were so small and you know there's a bit of competition because we have volleyball soccer, cross country intruding. I mean, we share true letting in viable share. But you know, she's got kids who also could go the soccer program or could go to the cross country program. So you get a good athlete in a small school like ours. You kind of want T o. Yes, she doesn't really good job getting in their young and getting in and building skills like she's working with those coaches, really building the skills that she wants to see when the diversity you know, she's got six grader serving overhand because she knows that's what they need to be doing at the varsity level. So she doesn't even let the little kids serve underhand very often. But you know what? Now, by the time they get to her, she definitely has a very good long term. Like I like I said, that long term vision

spk_1:   11:16
That's cool. Anybody else that comes to mind,

spk_0:   11:20
I can't think about the individual proper worked with so many coaches over here between being a trailing coach and athlete trainer, I love coach is that building really harness their leadership? All coaches know that a good leader makes adjoin enormous difference.

spk_1:   11:37
When the leader gets better, everybody gets better.

spk_0:   11:39
Yeah, yeah, and I learned that lesson, Really. This year's things I really took away from transformational leadership is I really start building into my leaders. And I made my captains the head of a family this year. And so we did encouragements and highs and lows. But I thought man was 16 kids. That'll take half a practice. How logistically get it done. So I had my captains. I said, OK, I met with them ahead of time. Did their highs and lows and how you doing? What do you think about this? And then they Each one was have a family and they got 5 10 minutes of being a practice to touch base with their family. Talk that way, the girls all had someone on the team that they felt they could really talk Thio. And then if there was an issue, Susie's having a bad day or whatever Hate come tell me. So I'm not yelling at Susie when she's not doing her jumps or whatever turns out like something terrible just happened and she's having a rough day.

spk_1:   12:30
Yeah, I'm sure it's just invaluable in photo have on. Yeah, that's great. Just empowering your kids to be leaders. Those that you've, you know, kind of picked out. Oh, are they kind of showing that leadership ability? Honestly, it makes your life a little bit easier to, you know, work instead of one on 16. Now it's one on three or four, then through those three or four having another layer, and then they have somebody that's right there next to a peer to peer. And there's power in that

spk_0:   12:56
and I'm here and more things that happened. Then they'll be like, Hey, watch this. Hey, there's a situation over here. Keep an eye on it for like, one day one of my captains text me and she said, Hey, half the teams that could be a practice And, you know, I'm rolling my eyes thing and all right, half the team. It's like probably three girls I'm like, Okay, so who she starts naming a mall in like, Oh, no, really have todo Literally. 1/3 of my team's gonna be practice. Okay, so then I then called practice, but I wouldn't have known that if she had, you know, we we've had a practice showing up and then be like, Ah, man, we wasted our time being here. And so she's like they're blowing up my phone. So I thought, That's awesome that they're turning her talking to her and she's actually doing her captain's role. Like like. And then I'd say that happens when you think about this. Well, we'll ask the girls. And then they kind of take Charger, that all that communication and filtering the information and just bring me the good ideas, which has been phenomenal. Think that that will definitely do that again, because that's gonna help me what you know, as a coach, like Tom burnout like Part of it is all the nickel and dime ing stuff like that, you know? And so to have

spk_1:   14:04
what color were wearing tomorrow, Are they in your world a little bit? Yeah.

spk_0:   14:09
Yeah, it is. It's been wonderful.

spk_1:   14:11
Read your email region. Yeah, Another point of contact that big. You have assistance now. Right now I

spk_0:   14:19
have an assistant coach. Yeah, and she's I would say I'm the bad cop. She's a good cop. Like I'm I'm the dad and she's like the mob, you know, she's the one that's like, it's okay now I get up there and do your jobs heart. You know, I'm yelling and cracking the whip and she's the one like you need a hand. It is and and she's younger than I am. She actually, if I'd brought come here one year earlier with coached her.

spk_1:   14:42
Really?

spk_0:   14:43
Yeah, I just missed coaching her. So And she's from Ludlow and she knows the family. So that helps. Or sometimes I'll be like, I don't understand why they do this. She's like, That's just the way we do things here and like, because I'm from four hours from here. They're just some cultural things that I'm just not aware of, and I'll be able. What do you think about this? She's like, Oh, yeah, that's normal or no there. They're trying to pull one over on you, you know,

spk_1:   15:07
have that hometown person is. Well, it's good.

spk_0:   15:10
Yeah, I actually bought her grandfather's house

spk_1:   15:15
will get smaller. Chris has already been on the podcast few weeks ago, and he didn't get in trouble. Job just kind of sharing his story that the three of us went through. Like he said, transformational leadership. There's a whole two manuals, right that

spk_0:   15:30
we

spk_1:   15:30
went through some others a ton, but is there any any other ones that really just come in your mind initially that have been most helpful to you or have really made you consider some new things?

spk_0:   15:41
Absolutely. When you're talking about the difference between relational and transactional and while the questions is something like, Who do you want to be? Is a person or something like that? And my answer? My first answer is, as a person, I want to be this very relational person, like like Christmas. But then when I looked at how I am is a coach, I am why I was like 95% transaction was like how he Oh, yeah. So then you know, then the next that we did it, I guess we did it in the fall because then when I didn't basketball season, I was like, OK, I've got to start. I've got to understand that that is important. And it's just I grew up in a family where my dad worked two jobs, and I mean it's work, work, work constantly. Wolf number one family, violet. Family value was work ethic. And so I just grew up. Like when you're at work, you're at work. You're like go, go, go! And, uh, I just didn't value that relational pieces much. I thought it was like a side thing. You just do whenever you have time. And as a coach, you just I don't have time, you know? And so I really started intentionally making time for that. And so a basketball team before every game of practice, we do highs or lows or encouragements, and the girls really loved it. And I really brought us really closer. And it brought me closer to the girls and I really started. And then that then carried him

spk_1:   17:10
another at a higher level. Now, because of you,

spk_0:   17:13
Yeah, so way. All all coaches pay attention to our kids and we understand the value of relationships. But once I was at practice, I was like a woman on a mission, and I started understand? Okay, it's okay to take a 10 minute fun break where it's okay to pull side and talk to this girl while something's going on. And that's

spk_1:   17:32
yeah, that's really that's really good, because it is. By itself, I mean a really strong work ethic. Working, I think, is a great thing. But if it's on Lee if it's the only thing and it is not complemented with other stuff. I think that was that was the point. With that, you can you can really, really tell. That's funny. I remember that you were saying I really wanna be super relational. Think about

spk_0:   17:52
it. I'm just like,

spk_1:   17:53
boom, boom, boom and way need both. We need both types of people, people better. You know, lean more that way or the other. And I love how they put it is like, you know, you're in a good spot where you're not on one extreme to the other to a fault when you can look at somebody at the other side of it and they don't drive you nuts. Yeah, close enough in the middle that you could look to either extremely, they don't just absolutely make you go bonkers.

spk_0:   18:16
Yeah, I learned that with Crossroads. We did those mission trips to New Orleans, and that was always a big thing. And it's ironic that I still I'm coming to this realization because the first year I went was in 2009 and I was on the leadership team and it was my job to teach the it was my dog job to give the talk about. It's okay to put the hammer down and go talk to the neighbors,

spk_1:   18:38
and you're like, I'm the last person

spk_0:   18:40
I waas. I taught that and then that very day at lunch it was a guy that was on my work crew, he says. You know that I asked you if I could help you do it. And you said, Can you get me water? Like instead of like me handing him the hammer and letting him do the work? I just needed water so I could keep working and I was like, Oh, man, I thought This is a lesson that guy's been teaching me for quite some time

spk_1:   19:08
any any other jewels And I we, uh did you ever try about the social contract that all of the

spk_0:   19:14
way did I promise this year and we had wave your issues this year and I don't know. We started praying at practice this year, which some people like You're in a public school and you're praying before practice and I said, Hey, the very first practice of the year, I said, Hey, I'd really like to do this if anyone would feel it all weird about it. You raise your hand. No one reaching. I said Okay, you know, text me. Come talk to me A few. But this you don't like it? Tell me, and we won't do it. But I just feel like and And we did that every day, practice pretty much. Sometimes I forget because it's a new habit and then sometime was really cool on time. We're having a bad practice. Tensions were high, girls are upset. And then one girl was Miss Wolfe. We forgot to practice. We've got to pray. We stopped everything and prayed and then finished practice. And then within a month or so, one of the girls started. She's now like the team prayer. She was always the one that would lead prayer. And and so I thought that was That was a really cool piece this year. So I don't know if it's I don't know what combination off doing the team like the highs and lows and the praying. And we did the I promise that we had way fewer personality conflicts way. Yes, we And this year I had literally half my team. We're seniors and historically when I've had that high A number of seniors. We've had a lot of personality conflicts. It's a lot of egos by time, your senior. And this year we had very few issues. I mean, obviously have some, but way less than we've had in the past. So it made this year, going in this year, the home pan. That's a lot of seniors, but we actually had why I feel like a really good year. So some combination of whatever you guys taught us worked out well

spk_1:   21:05
with you guys being being, you know, coachable on goingto try some things that you know aren't necessarily normal or whatever because of very transactional coaches. Like you mean 10 minutes of practice. We're not getting anything done from a skill point or technically, like what do you do it? What are you talking about? Like a terrible idea. Just just try it and see and see if it comes back

spk_0:   21:28
way. Even talked about conflict and how to say I'm sorry. Like we practiced all that that very first at camp we practiced all that stuff. I thought maybe if we start off and then the the girl whose coach in the bath. My assistant coach from football is now the head coach. The basketball team. I stepped out of the basket ball rolling, and she was having some personality conflicts. And I'm like, Go back to that. I get those I promise is out because in the I promise, you know, some of the things you're telling me you're happened are specifically stated in the I promise documents. Now you go back to that say, Hey, you want a social media and said this thing or Hey, you're flirting with this girl's boyfriend or, you know, like we ironically put, I will not pursue a team hates, really Does they

spk_1:   22:15
need to be in there because they're the ones that really kind of built it up?

spk_0:   22:17
They did. I let them say, What do you think potential issues could be on our team? And then I took those potential issues and I made whatever 10 15 I promise statements, and that was so that was really cool that they put it together and I was like, Man, I'm gonna have to really get in there. Engineer this But they they knocked it out Park. They came up with all the things that I thought would be issues, and we put me in.

spk_1:   22:40
I love that because they have. Even with that, you have your captain's, that they have more ownership, What's going on? The other girls are more engaged, and then even it's a lot. I think it's a lot easier to go to hold somebody accountable or or have expectations that they help set themselves. And from I've heard out another. Yeah, I don't have kids well enough to really do it yet that I've even heard parents asked their kid, You know, what should your discipline be for whatever this mistake is? And they said half the time, the kid was hard on themselves and we would have been

spk_0:   23:11
really did hate it As a kid. I had to go to my room and I wasn't allowed to come out until I apologize for what I've done wrong and come up with my punishment, eh? So here I am, like, seven years old, like okay, I gotta come up with something that's like, and not that they'll consider the punishment. But I don't want to over punish myself, which is a great thing to teach a kid that like evaluating the severity of what they've done. And

spk_1:   23:38
that's so funny. They put in the thing about the boyfriend's deal. My father used to coach girls basketball and begin the season. He's like, All right, everybody, if you're dating somebody you're not allowed to break up with And if you're not needing anybody, you're not a lot of start dating

spk_0:   23:55
anybody until the season's

spk_1:   23:56
over, because he doesn't know is how much that can affect performance. It has a huge. It's a huge deal,

spk_0:   24:03
and I've had in the past. I've had some major issues with one girl. One girl's dating a boy on Friday, and by Monday, another girl on the team is dating that same boy. And

spk_1:   24:13
you think that might affect how your practice

spk_0:   24:15
girls crying. And yes, I can't work with her. You are

spk_1:   24:25
what are some other just kind of thoughts or ideas you've had? How has it been? I'm a little bit of a curveball, but how's it been seeing girls that you coached that they've graduated and come back, What a band, Maybe a cool interaction there or or something that was just kind of gloves and shit, like your your legacy as a coach.

spk_0:   24:45
Well, it's funny, cause, uh, around Christmas time I was out, and, um, I ran into two of my girls who graduated. Gosh, eight years ago, 10 years ago. It was a while ago. How much time? About life. And they're married and whatever. Um and I said, man, I'm told a different person now. I said I'm much more approachable and easy to talk to their, like, really? We always thought you were in here. I was like, Really? I just never thought I thought I was so mean that I didn't think they not They didn't like me. But you know what I mean? Like, I thought they thought I was just really, like mean, like, you know, like disciplinarian and whatever. And they're like, No, we loved, you know, like, Oh, all right. I guess I was doing it so badly.

spk_1:   25:32
Oh, yeah, that's that's a great point. I was in a training just about communication in general, and they were talking about minding the gap is how they put it. And from a communications standpoint, if you're speaking in front of the crowd, you know every little thing that you're like you're valuing yourself really harshly as your as your talking. But you have to understand that there's a big gap between your own self perception and what the audience is actually take it, and, like sometimes they have no idea. You just made the mistake that you did, but you're owning it. And if you're really hard, you have to kind of mind like, Hey, they might not even know you Just mess, You know, said this thing a little bit wrong or whatever ended in to be okay with that, because it's really not about you. It's about the audience. If you're communicating, you're trying to send a message to his getting it. But I have an idea of who are we? We don't want to think, too. There's even Scripture about this. You don't think too highly of herself or too low of yourself, trying to have a healthy, healthy self image. And ultimately, God says, were valuable. And if you lean too far, you get into pride. But if you know too far the other way, then it's shame and guilt and everything else, and that's another one of those, like relational transactional things. It's not like you don't just arrived one day, like, Okay, I'm in a very healthy spot right here. I almost feel like it's ah, constant correction, you know, a little bit of an adjustment back and forth. It's just a really good thing to be aware of. And I feel like that was a good good line for you because you say even said earlier like I was the bad cop and I could come off really hard. Some girls probably really appreciated that. Maybe they didn't didn't have that, and you get the most out of them that they didn't know it was him.

spk_0:   27:07
But I think all of us coaches, we hold them to a high standard and, you know, be game day. We still don't have the stunt that we need for the game and, like, we don't have it. We have to. We have to say, I'm like, you're gonna get it. No, I don't have it like your You better figure it out because it's gonna happen. And, you know, they're like, home ago. She's being so mean. And yet we all need that, you know, without a little bit of pain. Without some stress, you're not gonna grow

spk_1:   27:36
Yeah. No, that's good. That's really good. Well, is there any anything else just just kind of on your mind going back toe Stephanie 16 years ago? Or maybe somebody else who's who's just starting out. Or Or maybe you just kind of discouraged. Or maybe maybe where you were five years ago, where you're kind of almost burned out and had a kind of really gather yourself before to keep going, what would be one or two things that say, Hey, if you captured this earlier than I did, man, you would really have. You just used to be a different starting point. Bit of

spk_0:   28:09
the place. Um, every kid has their strengths and finding figuring out your kids strengths and then utilizing them to the best of the team. And I'm not talking like your best shooter or your best, my best toe touch her. But a few years ago I had a girl who's really good at encouraging people, and she became the team encourager and she would write notes to people, and she would point out to me like, Oh, hey, such and such has really worked really hard. She feels like you haven't noticed or whatever you know, like so finding you don't. As a coach, we don't have to do all of it ourselves. A lot of us take all that on ourselves. You know, I've got develop this and I've got to this and I got to this. I don't I don't have to do all of it.

spk_1:   28:51
It's really hard to let go

spk_0:   28:53
it iss And yet you're gonna get more out because I know when I'm on a team. Like as a teacher when I'm on team. If they say to me, Hey, you're really good at this. What are some ideas you have? My creativity is going to really blue learn

spk_1:   29:08
so much more engaged and excited about everything.

spk_0:   29:10
Yeah, I'm gonna come to table with stuff and I found with my captain's when I start giving them more authority and control, they start coming up with Really? Hey, we'd like to do this. Hey, we want to do this. Hey, we want and I'm like, that's a great idea or ahead thought. But sometimes it's like I don't really love that idea. But I love your enthusiasm for the idea.

spk_1:   29:27
And it doesn't take away from the vision. It's still somewhat aligned. Even in my mind, I prefer it, but it still would get us take us forward. So let's do it.

spk_0:   29:35
Yeah, And then they recited. So then they're producing better. They want to be there. The other kids, your lean outers are like, Oh, hey, this is fun. Or Oh, hey, I want to get in on this, and it just makes it a better place if you can figure out the soft skills especially which I didn't value nearly as much as I should have when I was a younger coach. The soft skills like encouraging people and taking time to talk to people and like and finding your kids who are good at that and powering them to do it or letting your captain's Okay, you guys are gonna run the workout. You know, the jumper cow or whatever instead of me always doing. I had a captain couple years ago, is having some issues with her, and I sat down with him. What's going on like you are not leading in the direction I need you to go. And she said, I'm burned out. I man, she said. And also she said, We do the stadium thing every practice. She's like, Why can't we do it this way? I think if you do good, if we did this and I was like Oh, I just never I thought that would be a good idea. I never even thought about it. And so we tried that and breathe a little bit of life into us to hear I've been ready. I was ready to put the hammer down and shut it down. She's lead in the wrong direction. When I just sat down and found out she was really great at seeing the big picture and coming up with ideas. And when I let her do some of that, suddenly it really breathe a little bit of life to kind of get us through the end of season, where you're really getting tired.

spk_1:   30:55
Well, that's exercising something that Jesus did. Is he so much of his communication with questions and stories? And when you you could have walked in, sit down, shut up and just let the hammer down. But you start with a question. Hey, what's going on? And out of that? You got all sorts of gold that she had not been a the only girl feeling like things might have gotten a little mundane or the same thing over and over. And you have the courage to open up that line of communication. No. One. She's burned out and hurt, and it might have been some hurtful things about to come out of her mouth and you don't know, But you were goingto kind of put it out there. And yeah, it sounds like that that conflict was actually opportunity for you guys to grow.

spk_0:   31:33
If I come in with her and put the hammer down, she would have shut down and I would have struggled and fought against her the whole rest of season. Instead, she came back and, like, felt valued and

spk_1:   31:46
yeah, the more the more talk with you and other coaches, and I feel like coaching and life in general. It's feels like it's a Siri's of tensions like that right there. There's a tension of relational transactional. There's attention of doing this, for that is the tension of still, you are the coach, you are the leader. You were answering for the outcomes and everything that's going on, but it's also important. Thio allow let go, something's to empower. Some people want to be open to input where you can ask that person and say, Hey, whatever you say is 100% gonna happen just because I'm still just off to make the decision. But to be able to entertain that and let them know that they're inputs valuable, I think that's a really great combination. Um, sometimes you have countries that could get, maybe walked all over by by some other people. Or sometimes there's zero zero input. That's that's offered.

spk_0:   32:41
Yeah, it's good. And I think when it comes to God in general, there's always I think it's constantly that tension, you know, like you were talking about earlier, like I can't get too full of myself cause then they get into pride. But if I get to like, oh, I'm terrible, like, I have to understand that I'm not any better than anyone else And yet I have to also understand I'm a daughter of Christ, so like there's a tension there. E think God intentionally puts us in that tension all the time so that we're relying on him because if I just knew it's just this way, I would need him

spk_1:   33:15
then you can check out. Okay, I have that. That topic figured out. I don't think about it anymore because I have arrived in. Yeah,

spk_0:   33:22
yeah, and I feel like I feel like sometimes that you could write a book on all you keep on. No, there's attention there, like it's not all the way this. And it's not all the way that, like

spk_1:   33:31
sometimes you're reading proverbs. You're like, How is this in the same book? It's like it looks of contradictory. But then I guess it just speaks to what you're saying. And at the end of the day, it really should just draws to him, and I might have mentioned it on another another episode. But our family's word for 2019 is intimacy and just the importance of having intimacy with Lord with each other. And that just doesn't happen unless you have reason to pursue that relationship, go deeper with Stephanie. Thank you so much for sharing your little bit, your story and some really great nuggets you did not give yourself. I'll tell you this. He did not give yourself enough credit. Walking into here

spk_0:   34:09
is really

spk_1:   34:10
good. Really awesome stuff to share. I know to be encouraging to a lot of people. I just appreciate you and all the other great coaches here it. Ludlow. I know you're on the front lines and touching a lot of kids. Kids lives, and I know Ludlow. True, leading is better because you bet you've been headed up. Well, there we have it, guys, Our conversation with coach Stephanie Wolf. I really appreciate her insight both on the personal side and also on the coaching side where she was processing. Really? Yeah, howto balance, working really hard but also taking some time to rest and have that self care. I know it could be ah challenge and may be different than some other sports with a female tree lighting team. But some of the tools that she's implemented along the way and it's so exciting for us to see people get some good results from some of the training that we've been ableto have have together and I really just think through ah, lot of the things that when you're building a program, you can kind of compartmentalize things. And she had mentioned how she felt like she was very relational, and certain parts of her life, but also she could be extremely transactional. Assumes she put the coaching hat on. I think that's a good word for all of us that to live a life of integrity means that we're the same person wherever we're at. We have haven't integrated life and things. We won't be doing very well on one side of things. You might not be doing so hot as soon as you put the coaching hat on or vice versa, doing something really well as a coach. But maybe we'll go home. It looks a little different. And that's our heart, that everybody would be equipped to win with their team and in the home like before. Let's Ugo, I really encourage it. It is not too late. If you have some middle school or high school athletes that you feel like would be, ah, have a great time at RFC, a leadership camp. We're goingto Western Kentucky University this summer from June 30th 2 July third. Just go to our website in K y f C a dot or GE slash camp. It'll have all the information there, players that go come back loving it. We have college age huddled leaders that go is an incredible time. They'll join kids from all over the state, and they built into They'll come back. Stronger competitors, stronger in their faith and ultimately, stronger leaders and their campuses and their teams. That community coming back in. K y f c a dot org's slash camp We would love to see some of your athletes there. Well, until next time, keep growing, keep learning and keep changing lives on your teen and in your home.